Ada heat cash raw lay Han. Bay sore oat marry shoat: Zelda heat cash raw ell lay awe. "Eh foe at, yeah bat zone gnaw?" Ada am raw law. "Die lay call ell," on taw Zelda. "A knee low zone gnaw, at zone gnaw. Tag giddy lay Han shay a knee bis dare raw bet ace ream who schmo nay. A knee rote saw leer oat oh toe." Who've hen, Han veil Louis me haw rue lay sham. Of all code em, hem of rue bay coal-beau beg odd deem, sham hem canoe may eel lay gay Shem, cove awe eh beau cream who mesh calf fey shame mesh.
Bis dare raw bet ace ream who schmo nay, hem doff coo bah dell let. Yacht saw seen knee God dole bay shame Woo. Who am are law hem, "Maw haw cease maw?" Hem rash moo ate haw cease maw, seem haw law aid, all pee sat knee are. Woo car raw ate haw cease maw. "Bay said err," who am are. "Tea can sue." Who gnaw tan lay Louis all own. "Tease awe air," who am are low, "may sue can sham lame at awe." Han veil Louis yard dew law mar teff. Hem bah who lay who lamb cat tan shay haw yaw paw am hay dare shay gnaw. Hem mat sue law hem eh foe law shave ate, may a whore, veil Louis he stack ell bah all own. "Tear ray," who am are ley Han, "rash whom can 'ZANAZ.' Moo czar! Tear ray ode! Innate moo gnaw shell Zelda!"
Pee tome, bay ode Louis may daw bear ream Han, boom! Haw key say shell Louis heat raw sake veil Louis gnaw fall all haw taw hot.
instructions
An engrit is a Hebrew text written exclusively with English words. You read it in English, but you understand it in Hebrew. If you have trouble understanding the Hebrew, copy the text, one paragraph at a time, and paste it in this TEXT-TO-SPEECH machine. Select English as the language and click "Say it." An artificial gentleman will read the story to you, and you will understand every word or my name is not Lee Berman. Or you can read the translation below. (If you're using a Mac, which has built-in text-to-speech, select the text and on the toolbar menu go to Firefox [or Safari] > Services > Speech > Start Speaking Text, and the lady in the computer will read it to you.)
glossary
shoat = a young pig
taw = make a hide into leather without using tannin
shay = chaise
bis = again
teff = an Ethiopian cereal
daw = jackdaw
translation
Ada called Han. Shocking news: Zelda had called her. "Where are you, you daughter of a whore?" Ada said to her. "Stop cursing," Zelda replied. "I am not a whore, you're the whore. Tell Han that I am at 28 Avenue B. I want to see him." And so, Han and Louis hurried thither. But first, they passed by a clothing store, where they bought raincoats, cowboy hats and sunglasses.
They knocked on the door of 28 Avenue B. A big Chinese man named Woo came out. He said to them, "What's the password?" They wrote down the password, delight in misfortue, on a piece of paper. Woo read the password. "Okay," he said. "Come in." He gave Louis a brochure. "Be careful," he said to him, "it is dangerous down there." Han and Louis went down to the basement. They came to a little hall that used to be a bedroom. They found a place to sit, in the back, and Louis looked at the brochure. "Look," he said to Han, "it says here 'ZANAZ.' Strange! Now look at this! Here's a picture of Zelda!"
Suddenly, as Louis was speaking to Han, boom! Louis's chair shattered and Louis fell on his ass.
