THE PLOT: In a bistro in Paris a young woman (A) tells her three girlfriends (B, C, and D) about the affair she had with an American tourist, who returned home promising to write, and hasn't. It's been over two weeks; something must have happened to him. (She has just learned she is carrying his child, but she doesn't tell her friends.) B tells her to call him; C to e-mail him; D to forget all about him. Enter a fat American couple; each of them has a different speech impediment. They order food. The man chokes. A performs the Heimlich maneuver on him, and saves his life.

MISSING MISSISSIPPI
Robert Dillar

LIZ IS in Rimini Grill, whining, sick with pining, thinking grim things, viz.: Jim isn't living. Did his ship sink? This kid isn't ringing Liz, isn't writing Liz.

"Ring him," Jill insists.

Liz: "I will."

"Writing Jim will bring him bliss," Mini sings, winking, "will bring Liz bliss, if Jim is still living."

"Jim is sick, I think," Liz lips.

"Bitch," Niki chirps, "Jim isn't living. Jim is nil."

Liz thinks: Niki stinks.

Big Nick Dill is finishing his insipid fish dish, thinking: Thissssss fishshsh issssss inssssssipid. I missssssssssssss Missssssissssssippi.

Yip! Yip! Big Nick grips his bib. Big Nick is kicking, is twisting his limbs, is pissing.

"Nck?" chirps Big Kim, his Mrs., flinging his bib, wiping his chin. "Qwk! Bg Nck's sck!"

Liz, sick with pining, spits in Big Nick's lips, thinking: This fish is stifling him, this fish will kill him. Kissing Big Nick, Liz rips his shirt, grips his pits, whips him. Within six jiffs, Big Nick is dribbling. His big insipid fish springs, missing Liz. Big Nick is still living.

Liz, pining, licks Big Nick's insipid lips, thinking: I miss Mississippi.