DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: Thanks to both of you for coming down and sitting for this taping. As you know, our website, EN HAUT A DROITE EN BAS, posts vignettes about Ex-Pat Paris. So let's get started. Tell me what happened. You were both at the bistro, correct?
MAN & WOMAN: Yes.
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: Together?
MAN: Sort of.
WOMAN: No. I was with my girlfriends and he was...what?
MAN: I was at the table next to you, eavesdropping on your conversation.
WOMAN [ANNOYED]: You were? What did you hear?
MAN: Most of it. You had an affair with an American man who went back home and said he'd be in touch...but hasn't.
WOMAN [TO DOCUMENTARY-MAKER]: This part is off the record, right?
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: Sure. What I want to know about is what happened at the bistro with the man who almost died.
WOMAN [TO MAN]: First of all, you're incredibly rude.
MAN: Why?
WOMAN: You had no right to listen to my personal business.
MAN: True.
WOMAN: Rude and obnoxious. And...rude.
MAN: It was interesting how each girlfriend gave you different advice.
WOMAN: So?
MAN: So which one are you going to listen to?
WOMAN: Why should I tell you?
MAN: One of them said you should fly back to the states.
WOMAN: Wrong. None of them said I should fly back to the states. Stephanie said I should call him and Jacqueline said, e-mail.
MAN: What did the other one say? I couldn't hear her.
WOMAN: Too bad for you.
MAN: Her name was Nancy.
WOMAN: Nancy said, "Forget him."
MAN: I have a question.
WOMAN: What?
MAN: What are you doing in Paris?
WOMAN: You really want to know?
MAN: Yeah.
WOMAN: Having a fling with a Frenchwoman.
MAN: A Frenchwoman. And the man?
WOMAN: Just happened. [TO DOCUMENTARY-MAKER] This is totally off the record, right?
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: Believe me. Moving on to the story...
MAN [TO WOMAN]: So the man just happened. Did he get you pregnant?
WOMAN: He did. He happened--these things... How do you know I'm pregnant?
MAN: You leaned back, you touched your stomach. Like this. It's the way you did it.
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: This is all very interesting, I'm sure. But our time is limited and we need to talk about the incident.
WOMAN [to MAN]: OK, you're so smart. What do you think I should do?
MAN: Well...
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: A choking occurred right in front of you, correct? A man almost died.
WOMAN: Correct.
MAN: I just about killed him.
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: You? What do you mean?
MAN: I was listening in on her and her friends...
WOMAN: ...Still rude, by the way.
MAN: When the conversation was drowned out by the sound of a fat man and woman--an American couple sitting next to me--chewing buttered brioche.
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: How did you know they were Americans?
MAN: Because they chewed and talked at the same time. They sounded like animals feasting on slaughtered game while speaking with different speech impediments. And they did that thing that Americans do where they talk about movie stars like they know them. They said Charlize Theron needed to commit to a holiday feature. And get a divorce. So I picked up my chair and moved away from them, which gave the man enough space to hit the ground when he starting choking. [PAUSES UNCOMFORTABLY.]
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: What happened next?
WOMAN: He thought the guy was having a heart attack.
MAN: I thought the guy was having a heart attack....so I jumped on him and pounded on his chest.
WOMAN: But he wasn't. It wasn't a heart attack. The fat man was choking. I told him: "Get off the fat man! Get off the fucking fat man's fucking belly!"
MAN: You screamed it.
WOMAN: And he still didn't get it. So I got a running start and knocked him off the fat man. Then I got him to help me prop the guy up.
MAN: Not easy.
WOMAN: I reached inside the fat man's mouth and pulled out chunks of bread. Then I grabbed him from behind and jammed my fists into his diaphragm. Like this.[SHE ACTS OUT HEIMLICHING THE FAT MAN.]
MAN: And the food came flying out of his mouth...and he started breathing. It was clear he would live.
WOMAN: That's what happened.
MAN: She saved his life. You saved a life.
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: Did the man receive medical attention?
WOMAN: An ambulance came...
MAN: ...The fat man didn't want to go but they made him. His wife was following his stretcher to the ambulance and then ran back to grab the brioches. She had a waiter wrap them in a doggie bag. [MAN AND WOMAN LAUGH.]
WOMAN [to MAN]: So what should I do?
MAN: Have the baby.
WOMAN: Why?
MAN: Because you've already started touching it.
WOMAN: Easy for you to say.
MAN: You asked.
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: Thanks to both of you for coming down and telling your stories. I'll let you know when we post the segment on our website.
MAN [to WOMAN]: What's the name of your Frenchwoman?
WOMAN: Claire.
MAN: Do you love her?
WOMAN: [SILENCE.]
MAN: Does she love you?
WOMAN: She's not the answer.
MAN: And the man?
WOMAN: Same: no answer.
DOCUMENTARY-MAKER: OK, thanks again. This is a borrowed space and we have to be going.
MAN [to WOMAN]: You must be hungry.
WOMAN: I am.
MAN: Want to go to a bistro?
