THE PLOT: In a bistro in Paris a young woman (A) tells her three girlfriends (B, C, and D) about the affair she had with an American tourist, who returned home promising to write, and hasn't. It's been over two weeks; something must have happened to him. (She has just learned she is carrying his child, but she doesn't tell her friends.) B tells her to call him; C to e-mail him; D to forget all about him. Enter a fat American couple; each of them has a different speech impediment. They order food. The man chokes. A performs the Heimlich maneuver on him, and saves his life.

RUTH'S TRUTH
Marie Borochoff

U.S. STUD Gus hunts Ruth. Gus humps Ruth, pumps Ruth full. Gus runs, shuns Ruth. Schmuck.

Ruth buys chums Luz, Lulu, plus Su lunch.

Su: "Buzz Gus, Ruth."

Lulu: "Ruth, stun Gus thus: buzz Gus stuff thru UPS."

Luz: "Dump Gus."

Plump Butch plus plump Mrs. Butch munch duck. Butch huffs, puffs thus: "Huff-ff! Puff-ff! Huff-ff! Puff-ff!" Duck gluts Butch’s gut.

Mrs. Butch must fuss: "B-b-butch! B-b-butch! D-d-duck's st-st-stuck!"

Ruth runs, cups Butch's rump. Ruth's cuffs punch Butch's plump gut, unglut Butch. Butch burps.

"Hug-g-g us-s-s, hun-n-n," Butch grunts.

But Ruth must cuss: "Fuck U, chump! Fuck Gus. Fuck such U.S. numbskulls."