MEMBERS OF the stage crew, dressed completely in black, enter from right, carrying on various pieces of the set and assembling them. They carry on and assemble three tables, chairs for the tables, a reproduction of Van Gogh's "Starry Night" (which they hang on a hook dangling from the ceiling), a chalkboard upon which a list of standard French café fare is written in chalk, and a glass deli case in which there are croissants and sandwiches. It should look like a stereotypical version of a Parisian café.
Enter Chérie, Chou-Chou, Chaton, and Charcuterie from left. They are thin--in the way that French women are. They sit at a table, light cigarettes and start gesticulating with animation--in the way that French women do. Chérie looks depressed; Chou-Chou, Chaton and Charcuterie are indifferent. Chérie thinks to herself about what pigs Americans are...what pigs men are...how utterly swinish American men are. You know the story: American boyfriend, unintentional pregnancy, boyfriend nowhere to be seen, women sit around commiserating.
Late morning sun shines from left through the window of the café where they sit. Nothing happens. Chérie, Chou-Chou, Chaton and Charcuterie sit smoking. An older man walks by their table, downstage, but says nothing and moves on. It seems like something might happen for a moment, because the stage is still silent and it seems as though a Parisian café would be quite the setting for absurd and amusing happenstance. But nothing happens. A small orange street cat enters on the left wing and bravely creeps in the front door of the café. No food on the floor, no one will pet her. Cat leaves.
Enter, finally, from left: three Americans: Biff Loman, Happy Loman and their aged father Willy Loman. Biff wears a Philadelphia Flyer's Jersey, Happy wears a shirt reading "Bon Jovi: 2003 World Tour" and Willy wears a polo shirt. Lomans approach counter to order. But due to a rare genetic disorder, all males in the Loman family are born unable to speak English. Instead, they each produce their own variety of nonsense noise. Biff points at an almond croissant and produces a high-pitched sucking noise; Happy points at chocolate croissant and produces a sound similar to a wild loon honking in the sky. Willy gestures towards a sandwich in the deli case and produces a low, angry-sounding gurgling noise.
The waitress behind the counter looks annoyed but gets the points and gives Biff and Happy their croissants and Willy his sandwich. The Lomans pay and begin to leave, sucking, honking and gurgling in a grotesque symphony as they begin to exit. Biff is hungry and attempts to eat his almond croissant while walking. Biff chokes on his almond croissant and falls to the ground in a fit of panic. Small bits of almond and saliva fly out of his mouth as he writhes on the ground, apparently suffocating. Chérie, Chou-Chou, Chaton and Charcuterie note that the American is choking and slowly take drags on their cigarettes. They seem tired. Happy and Willy stand around Biff rubbing their hands together and honk and gurgle agitatedly.
Chérie becomes visibly annoyed at the disgusting noises coming from Biff's direction and gets up to leave the café. Biff's thrashing body is obstructing the exit, however, so Chérie must step over him to leave. As she does, out of spite for all Americans, she steps on Biffs chest, grinding her stiletto into his ribs. Exit Chérie. Chérie's jab to Biff's ribs dislodges the obstructing morsel of almond croissant from Biff's windpipe and more almond bits and saliva fly from Biff's mouth. Biff breathes deeply, stands up, exits left. Willy and Happy exit left. Chou-Chou, Chaton and Charcuterie exit left.
The café is empty now, except for the waitress behind the counter. The waitress leaves, exiting left. The orange cat enters from right, crosses stage. Cat exits left. From stage right, the faraway sound of street performer playing an accordion. This sound fades to silence. Members of the stage crew, wearing all black, enter from right and begin disassembling the set and carrying it off the stage, exiting left. This continues until all items on the stage--chairs and tables all--have been carried off. The stage is empty. The lighting technician switches on the house lights, which should be harshly bright to induce the audience to exit. The doors of the theater should be opened, allowing the audience to exit. Exit audience. The stage is still bare, but flooded now with house lights. Enter cat from stage left. Cat nibbles on croissant crumbs dropped onto the stage earlier by Willy, Biff and Happy. Cat seems uninterested--the croissant, apparently, is not to her taste. Cat exits left.
